129 days to go

I love routine for the most part.  I am a person who does things like clock work.  It keeps me organize and efficient without requiring much thought.  It keeps me balance.

Lately I’ve been feeling unbalanced.  I haven’t found any normalcy with this pregnancy.

Sometimes I forget I’m pregnant as I chase after my wiggling garden hose or try to lay down on my stomach to read a book in bed.  Maybe it’s because I view this pregnancy as a transition from the old normalcy to the new normalcy.  I get frustrated whenever I’m about to do something that my old routine calls for and I have to stop myself because I can’t do that anymore.  For the most part, I’ve gotten use to things I can’t do but some old simple habits die-hard.

For example, when I take the pups out for a walk, I usually dash between our cars to keep up with them as they excitedly run ahead to get a head start.  The last two or three times, I realized I can’t just turn sideways to squeeze between the cars whenever we park them too closely together and had a few near misses with the side mirrors as I’m going a hundred miles per hour.  Routine allows me to go faster throughout my day but I find that I really need to slow down now so I can change courses when I’m headed for a collision.

A lot of people tells me they loved their pregnancy or everything is gravy once you hit your second trimester.  Maybe these people forgotten how it really felt being pregnant.  Or maybe they really had it that good.  Or maybe it’s just me.

Week by week, there are more restrictions on what I can do, and with that constantly changing, it’s hard to find my footing.  I just need to keep my head above water until we get to the new normalcy.  I’m halfway there.  We’re halfway there.

I am excited to get there.  I am even though it might be hard to tell.  I can’t wait to find a feeding and sleeping schedule with a new baby in the house.  I can’t wait for the new routines and see how our life will be for the next few years.  Will I go back to work outside the house?  Will I permanently work from home? How do I walk the pups with a stroller?  Is it even possible with our pups??  Do we really want to take a baby out to a restaurant? Or to our annual fair outings?

Even with all these questions in my head, I’m still not very good with planning ahead.  Routine and preparation don’t necessary go hand in hand for me.  Perhaps because routine means I don’t alway have to plan ahead.  I like to live in the moment, enjoy today.  I rarely get all-consumed excited about things more than a week out.  Yea, even as I waited to go on our four weeks trip to Europe for our honeymoon.  Or even as I wait for our babymoon planned before the end of this pregnancy.  Or, yes, even the arrival of this baby.  It’s just further out than an arm’s reach and I like, no, love to enjoy today.  My anticipation of the sun rising right now is pretty uplifting.  Gosh, maybe that’s why I’m such a morning person, I can’t wait to get the day started.  There’s so much potential for today.

When will KT wake up??  When can I wake him up without getting a grumbling stumbling night owl.  Too early?  Yea, too early.  Slow down.  Look ahead.  Stay on two feet.

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