Yesterday I was on a work conference call for about half an hour while carrying Logan around. Surprisingly it was a nice break from our typical day of eat, play, and nap.
I didn’t have much of a plan when we decided to start a family. I bet KT is smiling smugly, thinking I never have a plan for anything. In a way I’m a last minute procrastinator who just does whatever feels right at the moment. But then again I often find myself stressing over the smallest details for hours and hours. I’ll have to revisit this self exploration in another post.
As I was saying, I didn’t really have a plan for starting a family. Sure, we talked about “wouldn’t this be great…?” And “I would love to do that…” But nothing concrete. At least not in my head.
For work, my clients would ask when I’m planning on taking my maternity leave and when I expect to be back at work. My response was that I’ll try to work up until I can’t (or don’t feel like) working anymore and then I’ll see how I feel about going back to work after the baby arrives. Not the best answer, eh?
I figured I would have it figured out by the time Logan was two months old. Or at least by the time he’s four months. But we’re going on nine months now and all I want to think about is planning his first birthday and our backyard projects.
I do know one thing for sure. I know what kind of parent I want to be. I think I’ve always known. I’m the mom who will let her kids fall because that’s the best way to learn. I’m the mom who let’s her kid play on the floor, with dirt, dog hair and all. I’ll paint his walls with phrases like “mighty oak from little acorn grows”
But I won’t just be mom, I’ll be me. I’ll go out without them and do things unrelated to them. And when I’m asked if I miss my baby, I’m not afraid to say “no.” Sometimes we just need to get away and be ourselves because being a mom is not what defines me, it’s just a part of me. And as for “the plan,” we’ll just keep taking it one day at a time until it doesn’t work for us anymore.