I’ve mentioned a few times before how I wasn’t sure how I would handle my work schedule when Logan arrives. So it’s no surprise that I got a work email on a Monday after I sent out the announcement email just two days prior when I gave birth, right? Actually, I was floored. I quickly replied that I haven’t been discharged from the hospital yet (duh!) and that I will address the email when I return home. Honestly, this is what I get for even checking my work email at the hospital.
Before I knew it, I was back to work after I was discharged, working after Logan gone down for the night. After six months of working into the early mornings, I was exhausted. By nine months, I was a little resentful of my demanding job and just went offline. I stop checking into work. I was so sick of looking at my computer that I even ambitiously thought I might stop keeping up with my favorite blogs. That didn’t happen but I did manage to check into work only a handful of times the last five months and only dealt with emergency matters. I stopped posting here at the same time and I stopped looking at pinterest. It was my unofficial, unplanned maternity leave, nine months late.
It’s a brand new year and I am feeling refreshed. KT and I talked about my work schedule and we decided that I was only going to work on projects I want. I am going to start saying no. I’m not going to let myself get overworked. I’m going to take care of Logan and make time for myself. I will stop doing brain-numbing work and do more creative work. That leads me to my one little word for this year: Balance. Here’s to a more balanced new year.
Everybody usually wants to hold a baby when they see one right? Except for those people who are afraid of babies, of course. I hear about babies that lets anyone hold them but Logan is not one of them. Just in the last couple months, Logan developed a strong sense of individuality and awareness, which inevitably led to stranger anxiety. I find myself constantly making excuses when he wouldn’t let other people hold him. “He just woke up so give him some time” or “he’s teething so he’s cranky.” Or I’m making suggestions like “just play with him for a while on the floor until he warms up to you.”
Then it finally hits me. Of course you need to give him time to warm up to you! You don’t just invade the personal space of a person you just met, right? You have to build a relationship first. And that’s exactly what Logan needs. So next time instead of getting upset or hurt feelings when babies won’t let you hold them, just playing their favorite games with them and you’ll be halfway there.
This line from Dr. Seuss finally made a lot more sense: A person’s a person no matter how small.
I’ve been sitting in the living room watching Logan play on the floor. It’s been an especially rough day. Logan looked up from his self-appointed job of shredding our junk mail and saw me watching him. He seemed so happy to see me. He excitedly crawled over to me with this huge grin on his face. I picked him up, held him close, and just started sobbing into his little body. He thought I was playing with him and he started laughing. His beautiful baby chuckles. In that instant I was so grateful that my tears did not affect his happy disposition. I can’t help but wish that he’ll never know disappointment or have his heart broken. I won’t be able to shelter him from it forever but for as long as I can, I want to make sure he’ll only cry for a bottle or a nap or a diaper change.
Some days are just easier than others. I’m so glad to be able to stay at home with our little man but lets be honest here. An infant is oh so needy and my patience is tested everyday. The days are usually so monotonous. Babies needs to be constantly entertained but their attention span is that of a gold fish. Then something would happen that makes it all better. He’ll squeal with joy when he sees me and I would feel like I must be doing something right. He’ll feed himself steamed broccoli for lunch and my heart would swell with pride. And at night, when I put him down to sleep and watch his peaceful face, all I can think about is how lucky we are to have such a healthy baby.
Yesterday I was on a work conference call for about half an hour while carrying Logan around. Surprisingly it was a nice break from our typical day of eat, play, and nap.
I didn’t have much of a plan when we decided to start a family. I bet KT is smiling smugly, thinking I never have a plan for anything. In a way I’m a last minute procrastinator who just does whatever feels right at the moment. But then again I often find myself stressing over the smallest details for hours and hours. I’ll have to revisit this self exploration in another post.
As I was saying, I didn’t really have a plan for starting a family. Sure, we talked about “wouldn’t this be great…?” And “I would love to do that…” But nothing concrete. At least not in my head.
For work, my clients would ask when I’m planning on taking my maternity leave and when I expect to be back at work. My response was that I’ll try to work up until I can’t (or don’t feel like) working anymore and then I’ll see how I feel about going back to work after the baby arrives. Not the best answer, eh?
I figured I would have it figured out by the time Logan was two months old. Or at least by the time he’s four months. But we’re going on nine months now and all I want to think about is planning his first birthday and our backyard projects.
I do know one thing for sure. I know what kind of parent I want to be. I think I’ve always known. I’m the mom who will let her kids fall because that’s the best way to learn. I’m the mom who let’s her kid play on the floor, with dirt, dog hair and all. I’ll paint his walls with phrases like “mighty oak from little acorn grows”
But I won’t just be mom, I’ll be me. I’ll go out without them and do things unrelated to them. And when I’m asked if I miss my baby, I’m not afraid to say “no.” Sometimes we just need to get away and be ourselves because being a mom is not what defines me, it’s just a part of me. And as for “the plan,” we’ll just keep taking it one day at a time until it doesn’t work for us anymore.
*refrigerate portions you will use in the next three days and freeze the remainder for up to four weeks.
*i like to freeze it in ice cube trays and once frozen, transfer to airtight freezer safe containers.
The nursery gets excellent daylight throughout the day and it has overhead lighting for the evening. However, we needed something dimmer/softer for bedtime.
I immediately thought of a pair of lamps I bought many years ago from Target that was just sitting in the corner collecting dust. The only problem is….
They’re pink & brown.
KT wrinkled his nose at them when I showed them to him. Not exactly what we had in mind for a boy’s nursery. The solution fell out of my mouth even before I had a chance to think: “I’ll painted them! Black and white strips!”
Easy Peasy. I’m glad I was able to breathe life back into these old lamps.
We wanted something simple. Something neutral, so we can layer it with colors and accessories, then change them out whenever we feel like it.
In addition to keeping the walls white (with a black chalkboard wall treatment), we went with white furniture. The white changing table was handed down to us by one of KT’s friends. We are considering doing something interesting with it but we don’t have anything specific in mind and it’s not on our priority list at the moment.
Our white rocking chair is surprisingly very comfortable. I read all the reviews and knew it worked for some people and not for others so I am delighted that it’s working for us.
I used the IKEA TIDNY fabric to make the curtains. I had to make multiple trips to IKEA to get my hands on this fabric. It was constantly sold out and I can see why. It’s beautiful, right? I’m thinking of letting Logan color in the curtains when he gets older with fabric markers.
While keeping the room very neutral, we went a completely different direction with his closet. First, here is the before picture.
I did a lot of research on what kind of closet system I wanted to use in his room. I liked the idea of some dark wood shelving system but since we’re going with the bold color walls in his closet, it only made sense to go with a white shelving system. I also wanted a customizable closet system that can change and grow with Logan.
I considered the elfa closet system from the Container Store, the ALGOT system from IKEA, and ClosetMaid which you can find at Home Depot or Target. Although I really liked the look of the elfa system, we couldn’t pull the trigger on the nearly thousand dollar price tag. ClosetMaid have options of wood kits and wire kits. Although the prices are awesome, the wood kits feels too heavy and the wire kits didn’t feel substantial enough. The ALGOT system has a good mix of solid panel shelves and wire baskets and the prices are still at the lower end. If you still can’t tell where I’m going with this… we went with the ALGOT system. Our configuration costed us less than two hundred dollars and it’s been working great for us.
We’re still working out wall art placements and I’m going to add some black out curtains to the current ones. On our to-do list are also installing crown molding, painting the dresser, and repainting the door. Other than that, the room is pretty much done and I’m happy with how it turned out.
Quick note about this picture: KT was going through the advertisements in our Sunday newspaper and Logan ended up swimming in them (and loving it).
Lately, KT and I have been witnessing how fast Logan is growing, and learning, and changing. KT is having a hard time with how quickly Logan is growing up. I, on the other hand, am…not.
We just finished watching a foreign film (I won’t tell you the name of the film so not to ruin it for anyone). At the end of the film, this couple sends off their young and only son into the world without them. He was probably in his tween. KT’s immediately exclaimed, “how can they let him go?!?!.” He couldn’t bear the idea of being in their shoes and doing that. Admittedly, it was sad. But I thought it was inevitable and I was okay with it.
In a lot of scenarios like this, KT would look at me despondently, like he just realized I must be the ice queen who would toss her first-born to the wolves, whilst I look at him alarmingly, foreseeing a very needy and clingy dad. But you know, when the day comes for Logan to leave the nest, KT will be supportive, cool as a cucumber and I will be a snotty, teary hot mess.
Honestly, I do feel nostalgic when I look at Logan’s newborn pictures but I think I’m more focus on the now and celebrating the present. He started holding his own bottle and feeding himself. I couldn’t be prouder. He’s been pulling himself into a crawling position and I’m just excitedly waiting for the day he crawls on all fours.
The newborn phase is only a few short months. The infant phase is not much longer. And it is in these two very short time periods where there are so many firsts jammed packed into them. So many milestones. I feel like I’m hit in the face with something new everyday. It’s exhausting and exhilarating. We’ll eventually enter the toddler phase and be able to take a breath, but at this moment, I just want to be present to experience Logan sprinting to the next milestone. I can rest later. We can rest later.